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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23483959">An Elippo Season</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucipurr02/pseuds/Lucipurr02'>Lucipurr02</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SKAM (Italy)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Denial of Feelings, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Gay Bar, High School, Hospitalization, House Party, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Prom, Shameless Smut, Underage Drinking, Unplanned Pregnancy, hints of depression, skam season 2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 08:27:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>17,621</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23483959</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucipurr02/pseuds/Lucipurr02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There are only two main emotions in the spectrum, love and fear, and love does not always win; that’s what Filippo learned from his former experiences. Unless?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Edoardo Incanti/Eleonora Sava, Elia Santini/Filippo Sava, Niccolò Fares/Martino Rametta</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Doin’ Time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Playlist for the reader:<br/>Chapter 1: Doin’ Time - Lana Del Rey<br/>Chapter 2: sweetener - Ariana Grande<br/>Chapter 3: Late Night Feelings - Lykke Li<br/>Chapter 4: Into You - Ariana Grande<br/>Chapter 5: So Happy I Could Die - Lady Gaga<br/>Chapter 6: Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood - Lana Del Rey / Angel Down - Lady Gaga</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <ul>
<li><strong>The Tension, It’s Getting Hotter</strong></li>
</ul><p>
  <em><br/><strong>Sabato 6 Ottobre, 23;40</strong> </em>
</p><p>That year, Federica decided to make a big party for her eighteenth birthday, inviting everyone who wanted to come; that meant half of the school in just a narrow apartment in Roma downtown. Edoardo’s squad was there’ smoking and looking badly at everyone, like they were saying “I didn’t want to be here, fuck off”. Silvia,  of course, loved it, and couldn’t wait to talk to Edoardo, even though she clearly told him to go fuck himself.</p><p>Eva was drunk as fuck, and nothing else to say. But something strange was in the air; maybe it was because, apparently, no one in the building could light properly a chinese lantern, or maybe it was the gloomy atmosphere of september, right before the beginning of the school. </p><p>Silvia was the one to feel that. As soon as she watched the other girls dance, feeling unsecure, or when she tried to greet Edoardo, who turned his gaze to the other side.</p><p>Then Eva, who found out gay porn on Martino’s phone, and wanted to make sure about it. She reached him in the kitchen and tried to kiss him, sot surprised to see that the redhead got a step back and walked away.</p><p>She walked to the rest of her group, stopping right in front of Ele, and took a deep breath “I think that he is gay”</p><p>”Who?” asked the new gain of the group: Eleonora’s brother, Filippo, who was pretty interested in the conversation.</p><p>”Martino, we were in the kitchen and I tried to kiss him and-“</p><p>”Wait” Silvia stopped Eva “did you kiss Martino?”</p><p>”Yes, but I wanted to know if-“</p><p>”Eva, maybe you’re not his type. You do mot have the mathematic certainty that is a fag just because he didn’t kiss you” intervened Filippo.</p><p>”But he said he liked me”</p><p>“How much you drank?” Ele asked, patting her shoulder “maybe you just misunderstood”</p><p>Deep down, even Ele knew what was going on, but hoped (for Martino) that it was a bug misunderstanding, because it would have got him in a big wave of uneasiness. Especially because rumors run faster than they could think.</p><p>”Maybe she didn’t drink enough” Filippo said, passing his arm around her waist “hey, amò, do you want to drink until you see the stars?”</p><p>”Maybe I am already seeing a big, shiny, blond star” she said, getting even nearer the older boy, adjusting his blond wisp.</p><p>”Do not try it” Filippo warned “I am gay, you already kissed a gay tonight”</p><p>”Let’s make two then” she said, erasing the space between them, taking Filippo in a sloppy kiss. That lowkey disgusted Filo, who was the first to break it “you just reminded me why I hate pussy”</p><p>She let out a laughter and then sat on the ground, laughing hard under the effect of all the alcohol she drank “I want Gio!” She yelled, right after.</p><p>”Oh God, here we are again” Sana muttered, as the redhead was almost laying on the ground laughing and crying at the same time.</p><p>”It’s not fair, I want Gio” she yelled once again “Filo”</p><p>”Don’t look at me like that” he states, grabbing her from the ground and making her sit on a chair.</p><p>”Fili kiss me again” she said, taking Filippo by his neck to kiss his chick, because the older boy deviated her intention.</p><p>”I am nobody’s slut, Eva... Tonight” he laughed, trying to take her back to normality.</p><p>”C’mon be my slut, let’s fuck”</p><p>The other girls were laughing at how drunk and desperate their friend was. She needed Gio and wanted to convince someone to call him.</p><p>”I appreciate, but I’m out” he said, rising his hands “I’m getting you a glass of water, or vodka. In that case you will be too fucked up to talk again, amò”</p><hr/><p>Meanwhile, the guys were locked in the bathroom, smoking and drinking in the bathtub talking about which girl was the hottest, getting Martino in a difficult situation, since “his expectations were too high for a simple girl”.</p><p>Obviously, they were all okay with the fact that the Argentina was the hottest one, but Martino could not think about any other hot girl. Maybe because he wasn’t really interested? He made himself this question several times and never got certain answers by his subconscious.</p><p>Little he knew that he wasn’t the only one thinking about it several times a day.</p><p>After a while in the tub, they were too high to acknowledge that a girl entered the bathroom, Emma Covitti.</p><p>”I have to pee”</p><p>”Go to the other bathroom, it took us hours to assure us the tub” Gio stated, a gentle way to tell her to fuck off.</p><p>”But I have to take a piss”</p><p>”Take a piss in the sink in the kitchen” Elia suggested, seeing that she was getting more nervous.</p><p>”Do you know what do you remind me?” Martino asked, resting his head on the wall.</p><p>”What do I remind you?”</p><p>”A frog”</p><p>And then they bursted in laughters. She didn’t answer, she just unfastened her belt and sat on the toilet, ready to do what she wanted to do.</p><p>”Alright, alright, we are going away, but you have to choose one between us and fuck with him”</p><p>It didn’t take long for Emma to choose Martino, who was too high to know what mess he just got into.</p><p>The boys went upstairs, on the balcony, seeing Federica lighting a chinese lantern and then taking a shot of vodka.</p><p>”She is drunk as fuck” Luca said, taking a few steps on the balcony “Elia, do you want to take advantage of the situation?”</p><p>”Fuck you” he responded quickly.</p><p>It wasn’t just the thought of Federica, actually, but the thought of making out with a girl. He did, obviously, but never really enjoyed it like his friends were used to tell him.</p><p>”Do you have the weed?” Gio asked the other boys. Elia made a nod and then made a pat on his crotch “in my underwear”</p><p>”Disgusting” Gio said, he was about to say something else, but he stopped as soon as he heard someone at the doorbell, and since no one was opening the door, he decided to leave Luchino and Elia to go check out.</p><p>Elia shrugged and went to the drinking table, pouring himself some gin and lemonsoda, but as soon as he turned to return to Luchino, he stumbled on something hard, noticing soon after that it was the torso of an older guy, who had an altered face as he felt the ice on his skin.</p><p>He was as tall as Elia, but thinner, with a died blond wisp. But what really caught Elia’s attention was the lip ring, which was shining under the yellow lights.</p><p>”Oh fuck, I’m sorry, man” he said, with a surprised face and bringing a hand to his mouth. He was too high and drunk to apologize “I’m sorry I wasn’t watching where I was going”</p><p>”Yeah, just be careful next time” he said, taking an ice cube off his shirt and throwing it back into Elia’s glass “there are other ways to get other people’s nipples hard”</p><p>Elia let out a giggle and then said “I’m sorry about your shirt, I think it smells like alcohol now”</p><p>”Don’t worry, fortunately-“</p><p>But the conversation was roughly interrupted by Gio, who had a worried look on his face. He came from behind and took Elia’s arm “we have to go away. Police is here”</p><p>Elia felt a chill over his spine and nodded, turning to the other guy and noticing how wet he got him “I’m sorry again, but I have to go”</p><p>Filippo didn’t even take the time to say goodbye, that he found himself alone with a wet shirt. But on the ground he found something interesting.</p><p>In the rush, Elia made his weed pack fall off his pants, leaving it right in front of Filippo.</p><p>”What happened?” Eva asked, walking to his friend “why were you talking with Elia?”</p><p>”So his name is Elia” he thought, then said “he bumped into me and now I’m wet... Also, I think he forgot his weed” </p><p>He decided to hide it in his underwear, because he heard that police was coming.</p><hr/><p>The boys were running away from the police, arriving to the bus station and taking the first coach to Monti, taking a deep breath as they sat on the uncomfortable seats.</p><p>”I think I am currently bad tripping” Luchino said, laying his head on the bus’s window.</p><p>”Guys I have the weed on me. We have se-“ Elia petrified as he tucked a hand into his pants and found nothing “I don’t have it”</p><p>”What do you mean?” Gio asked.</p><p>”We ran for nothing?!” Martino yelled, taking a deep breath.</p><p>”No! I fucking lost it! Maybe when we were running I-“</p><p>”You know what? Fuck it” Gio started “this is the last time we buy a 5€ weed”</p><p>”What are we doing now? They were 4 grams”</p><p>”I will find a solution, okay? I’ll call Peccio and Galvani and see what I can do”</p><p>”The important thing is that we are not going to jail. Well, I AM not going to jail since you are underage”</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>1:05</strong>
</p><p>Elia could say that he got home safe and sound, burying his face into the pillow as he laid on the bed in silence. He looked at his notifications for a last time before going to sleep, surprised when he saw “<em>filippo.sava started following you”</em> on his instagram notifications.</p><p>He followed him too, scrolled down his photos and seeing that not he was attractive, but also gay. He found a photo of him and his sister, Eleonora, at the Roma Gay Pride, and something in him lit a little bit.</p><p>Before he turned off his telephone, he noticed another instagram notification, it was alway Filippo, but this time he was trying to send him a message.</p><p>
  <em>filippo.sava: hey, I’m Filippo, the guy you threw your drink on 🥰 I think you dropped something when you ran away. I won’t make any spoiler, but I just want to say that I do not have any intention of keeping it with me. So you can come over and take it back whenever you want 😊</em>
</p><p>Elia was speechless. Filippo had his weed, so he had a good excuse to see him again, and maybe he could apologize about the drink.</p><p>He didn’t know what to answer, so he sent a vocal message “<em>thank you, man. I’m sorry about the drink, but I’m sure I will find a way to make it up”</em></p><p>Then he turned off his phone and fell into the deepest sleep of the year.</p><hr/><ul>
<li><strong>On Lockdown, Like Penitentiary </strong></li>
</ul><p>
  <em>Mercoledì 10 Ottobre</em>
</p><p><em>Hey</em> Filippo read the popup on his lockscreen, it was from Elia Santini, the guy who owed something to him, especially because Filippo was keeping on him something illegal, that could have got him into trouble, most of all in university.</p><p><em>At 11 am? Aren’t you at school?</em> replied the blond man, trying to loosen up the tension. Sure, they had in program to meet for THAT reason, but the fact that Elia kept sending messages was rising suspects in his head. </p><p>
  <em>Religion hour</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Cazzo, you kids have no religion nowadays </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I do, do you?</em>
</p><p><em>Touché </em>replied Filippo, still a bit sleepy <em>you need something or...</em></p><p>
  <em>Yes, you know </em>
</p><p><em>Well </em>the older boy started, thinking about how he could return Elia his stuff, talking a pause before texting again, making the younger man a bit nervous.</p><p><em>Well...?</em> continued Elia, waiting for the other boy answer</p><p>
  <em>I was thinking we can see each other on Saturday. I know Ele is having a “launch party” or whatever for Radio Osvaldo and invited me over</em>
</p><hr/><p>Elia read the text speechless. There was no way he could stay at that trash party with Fede, Sana, Ele, Silvia and... Eva! I mean, his best friend’s ex girlfriend. He could not do that to Gio.</p><p>”Oh Elia” Gio shouted from behind the classroom “did you fix that?”</p><p>”Give me a moment” he shouted back, reading Filippo’s text again.</p><p>
  <em>I actually don’t know if I can or cannot stay over at school</em>
</p><p><em>You have half a week to think about it 😉</em> Filippo replied, quickly leaving Elia’s chat.</p><p>Suddenly break’s bell rang, so Elia walked to his friends, who were about to get down the stairs “hey guys, uhm...”</p><p>”What’s wrong?” Luchino asked.</p><p>”I was thinking...”</p><p>”Too bad you have time to think. Spit it out” Gio said smiling, sitting on the ledge of the window.</p><p>”I know that the girls are having a launch party here for their radio, and...”</p><p>”Wait, I will cut you off” Gio muttered “no way I’m coming. You know... Eva”</p><p>Elia moved his gaze to Luchino, who shook his head quickly, then to Marti, who had a puzzled expression “Emma begged me to come actually...”</p><p>”Good!” Elia shouted, without realizing “so we can go together, if... If you don’t mind”</p><p>”Why is that? Care to explain?”  Gio demanded, realizing that the situation was awkward enough for everybody to notice.</p><p>”Nothing. I was just curious” Elia muttered “so are you going, Marti?”</p><p>”I don’t know, why are you so interested?”</p><p>“It’s...” he looked at his three friends and then continued “Silvia”</p><p>He lied. He knew damn well that it was not Silvia, but something in him kept him from telling them that he actually had to meet with Filippo Sava, Eleonora’s gay brother. They never talked, like actually talked, about the “homosexuality topic”, and he was afraid they would have mocked him for that.</p><p>Elia noticed the disappointed expression on Luchino’s face, and couldn’t help but feel bad for himself, he knew that his friend felt something for the hot blond, and could do nothing but keep the gig.</p><p>”I know Silvia would have been there and...”</p><p>Elia got distracted by the notification sound of his phone, reading a “so” from Filippo Sava on his lock screen.</p><p>
  <em>I’m coming</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m sure you will have fun with us 😊</em>
</p><p>Elia didn’t know what to do, so he just pressed a random emoji and the send. Yes, maybe sending a 😘 as a reply wasn’t a nice move, but at least he had a problem less.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Sabato 13 Ottobre</em>
</p><p>Elia was sitting on the school table, eating the food Silvia brought, which looked more like glue than a risotto, feeling his stomach close as he looked at the other girls playing thing at their computer, laughing for shit and eating that risotto like that was exquisite cuisine.</p><p>Also Marti was there, they were next to each other, exchanging gazes and little laughters l. Still, none of them knew exactly why they were there. Maybe they were brainwashed by Fede spoon or something, especially Martino, knowing that the girl had a huge crush on him, and the redhead could swear he saw her licking the fucking fork while looking at him.</p><p>And, finally, Sava arrived, bringing a cake with him, apparently the only edible thing in the entire classroom.</p><p>Filippo took off his jeans jacket and went straight to greet the girls, then arriving to Elia, who got off the school table as he hoped he would have escaped the trash party.</p><p>Marti, however, disappeared a while after Filippo arrived, not even saying hi to him.</p><p>”Do you have...?”</p><p>Filippo rolled his eyes and crossed his arms to his chest “already? You think I would let you go when I have you in my hands?” He joked shaking his head “disappointing, isn’t it?”</p><p>Elia smiled, almost nervously “I thought we had a pact or something”</p><p>”Yes, I said I would have returned the weed to you if you came to the party”</p><p>“And I’m here” he replied.</p><p>”I can see that. But... Don’t we just have fun, and, like... Don’t sell drugs anymore”</p><p>”I was not going to sell that”</p><p>Filippo tilted his head and laughed “I don’t believe you”</p><p>”I am serious” he exclaimed, and then “okay, I was just going to sell two grams or maybe three”</p><p>”And then you sell cocaine, no?”</p><p>“You’re not funny?”</p><p>”Really? That’s not something I’m used to hear. I am hilarious, Elia” but the younger boy just cocked his eyebrow “or maybe I can offer you a piece of cake. Made it myself” </p><p>Elia looked at Filippo, he was genuinely smiling, so he asked to himself “why do I have to be the grudge?”, letting a small smile fall off his lips.</p><p>“So, give up on selling drugs?” Filippo asked, offering Elia a piece of cake.</p><p>”You sound like my mother”</p><p>”Pretty sure she would not be this chill, right?”</p><p>”She would have thrown me the whole house on me”</p><p>”See? Even better I’m your mum. But if I find out again you sell drugs I have to dismember you”</p><p>Elia took a breath and then a bite of the cake “Why do you care?”</p><p>”I had a person I cared about who started selling drugs. I mean cocaine, heroin and shit like that. They shot him once and stabbed several times”</p><p>”You are just trying to scare me” Eia said, almost laughing, thinking that it was a joke.</p><p>”I wish I was, Elia” his tone changed drastically, then the boy realized that it was not a joke and Filippo looked hurt by the memories.</p><p>”Want to go out?” Elia purposed, whispering to his ear so the other girls wouldn’t hear. The other man nodded and soon they were on the balcony.</p><p>Filippo extracted a cigarette from his packet, offering one to Elia. And after that they were sat together, looking at the afternoon sky.</p><p>”So, I guess you would feel bad if I asked you if you wanted a joint”</p><p>”I said <em>don’t sell it,</em> not<em> don’t smoke it</em>” Filippo searched deep into his pocket, them extracting a joint “I always keep one with me for any occasion. You never know”</p><p>They laid on their back and looked at the sky, as they passed the joint to each other, feeling the THC rushing through their blood.</p><p>”You’re really cool” Elia said, looking at Filippo. He had his gaze focused on the sky, with his joint between his lips and his eyes probably shut.</p><p>”Thanks” he said, throwing away the finished joint “we should do this more often, I guess”</p><p>”If you want to hang out with Pablo Escobar, it’s alright for me” Eia said, laughing, making the other man laugh too. Maybe he forgot his soars for a moment.</p><p>”Whenever you want, my house is free all the times”</p><p>“What about you parents” the brunette asked.</p><p>”They are never home. Dad is somewhere in Milan and my mother is in Padua, she comes once or twice a semester, but she is always busy with her friends and stuff, and...” Filippo stopped to look at the younger man “I better stop, I don’t want to bore you”</p><p>”You don’t, I promise”</p><p>Filippo rolled on his side, resting his head on his hand, looking straight into Elia’s eyes “what about you?”</p><p>”Well... My parents are divorced and they both live in Rome, but... my mother’s new husband doesn’t want me or my sister at they place, so...”</p><p>”It’s terrible” Filippo commented, leaving his hand rest on Elia’s one, as a sign of understanding “so you live with your father?”</p><p>”Yes, but he works all the times, so I have to provide anything for me and mu sister”</p><p>”It’s so mature of you to do this. Most of the guys your age can’t imagine how being mature might feel”</p><p>“I guess we have to go” he said, standing up on his feets and looking at Filippo for severl seconds “I think they are wondering where we are”</p><hr/><ul>
<li><strong>The Rhythm, It’s Getting Harder</strong></li>
</ul><p>
  <em><br/>Venerdì 26 Ottobre</em>
</p><p>Filippo was sat on Silvia’s couch, feet nervously beating the ground as he watched everyone having fun. Silvia was having a karaoke session with Fede, while Eva was, as always, having too much to drink, but this time she was not flirting with him, fortunately (for him), that night he was not in the mood for any social interaction, he was in the mood of drinking.</p><p>He could not believe he accepted Silvia invitation to the ‘80s party. He was dressed in a neon pink shirt, with rainbow sweatpants and black sunglasses.</p><p>He looked at his phone one last time, seeing a “<em>I’m sorry, please let’s talk</em>” in the WhatsApp popup.</p><p>He shook his head and put it back in his sweatpants’ pocket, sighing and resting his head with his hand fisted on his cheek. Surprisingly, he was taken unprepared when Martino sat next to him, patting his shoulder a few times, nervously.</p><p>“What?” Filippo asked, with a serious tone, looking at the readhead sat next to him “I don’t care if you are drunk, you are not my type and I’m not into curious straight guys... Oh, and you are drunk” he said, smiling sarcastically.</p><p>”Listen Filippo, I need your help”</p><p>”When you are not drunk”</p><p>”I’m not drunk”</p><p>”Alright then, what’s the problem?”</p><p>”There is a person that I’m into, and is into me too”</p><p>”If is it Emma, I cam tell that she is so into you”</p><p>”No, it’s not her... Do you see that tall boy, with black hair and a red bandana?”</p><p>”I knew you were a fag”</p><p>”He’s is so into me, and he’s really cute, we talked, like, twice, but he has a girlfriend. Also, I don’t want to hurt Emma”</p><p>”Oh Marti, it’s not fault if you prefer cock”</p><p>”Filippo I’m not gay”</p><p>”Right, you are not gay, right. You came here just to tell me how you would suck his cock while his girlfriend watch and to tell me the weather is beautiful tonight, didn’t you?”</p><p>”Alright” Marti started “mind telling me what’s your problem?”</p><p>”You came here because you are confused as fuck and now I am the problematic one? Seriously?”</p><p>”It’s nor what I meant, Fil-“</p><p>”Go fuck yourself” he muttered.</p><p>”Alright” he said again, getting up the sofa, and in that moment Filippo felt so guilty. He was frustrated and he exploded, and that should have never happened, not with Martino, who was genuinely seeking for help. In that moment he decided to get up too, reaching Martino to the other side of the room, saying “I’m sorry”</p><p>”Don’t worry, just... What’s wrong?”</p><p>”I left him”</p><p>”Left who”</p><p>”Giorgio”</p><p>”Your boyfriend?”</p><p>”Ex boyfriend. I broke up with him today”</p><p>”Why? If I may ask”</p><p>”Things were not the same, and I found out he has been cheating on me for months. We have been together for almost five years, he gave up on...” he stopped, he was on the verge of breaking down and his friend noticed.</p><p>”I’m...” Martino took a second, not sure how to respond “sorry. I’m sorry, Filippo. That’s terrible. Do you want to talk outside?”</p><p>”No, I appreciate, but no, thank you”</p><p>”I see”</p><p>After a small silence Filippo spoke again “go and talk to him”</p><p>”What?”</p><p>”Go and talk to that boy, you can always try”</p><p>Martino let out a giggle “and what should I say?”</p><p>”Just say <em>hello</em> like you should, okay?”</p><p>”He’s with his girlfriend”</p><p>”Minchia, Martino, if he’s so into you, just go and talk to him”</p><p>Then a wave of silent hit the room, the only one talking was Silvia, surely with her parents.</p><p>”Fuck, they are coming”</p><p>And then everyone in the room started panicking, with Eva that became the leader of the situation, giving everyone roles.</p><p>”Take this, it’s too heavy” Eva ordered, giving the trash bag to Martino, and suddenly Niccolò appeared from behind him, helping him carrying it outside.</p><p>Filippo smiled at them, while helping Eva getting rid of the alcohol.</p><p>And once they rushed outside he could see the two of them leaned on the trash bins, almost giving each other a kiss, only if it wasn’t for Emma.</p><p>Martino met Filippo again once he was away from Niccolò.</p><p>”What’s his name?”</p><p>”Niccolò” Martino said, almost panting from the rush.</p><p>”You’re cute together”</p><p>The redhead smiled and looked at his friends in the eyes “you are the only one who knows. Please, don’t tell anyone”</p><p>”I won’t” he smiled back.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Sweetener</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <ul>
<li><strong>When Life Deals Us Cards</strong></li>
</ul><p>
  <em><br/>Sabato 17 Novembre</em>
</p><p>Filippo laid lazily on the couch, turning on his television to watch A Star Is Born, laying in his blanket and eating trash food, although he wasn’t really hungry. He couldn’t help but relate to Ally and Jack toxic love, feeling like a person can never change, no matter how hard they try.</p><p>He could feel a tear scrolling down the cheek as the movie was almost at his gran finale, distracting himself as he felt something vibrating under his back, and obviously it was his phone. He received a new message on WhatsApp.</p><p><em>Hey</em> he read, it was from Elia. Sometimes he wonder how that guy could show he is alive in the most unexpected situation, especially at 10 pm of a Saturday night.</p><p>
  <em>F: Hey, you need something?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>E: Yes, I need an advice</em>
</p><p>
  <em>F: Really? I’m flattered</em>
</p><p>
  <em>E: What would you do if your best friend starts acting strange cutting you out his life?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>F: Let me guess... Martino?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>E: Did he tell you?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>F: I’m good at guessing</em>
</p><p>
  <em>E: We got into a fight yesterday. Today he didn’t come to school</em>
</p><p>
  <em>F: How bad was the fight?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>E: He pushed me and I punched him</em>
</p><p>
  <em>F: Do I have to tell you how disappointed I am? Why do you have to fight? You are not a child</em>
</p><p>
  <em>E: You sound like my mom<br/></em>
</p><p>
  <em>F: listen, just tell him you are sorry</em>
</p><p>
  <em>E: I don’t know if he still wants to be out friend anymore</em>
</p><p>
  <em>F: Of course he does. Just talk to him and tell him you are sorry. There is nothing that a conversation can’t solve </em>
</p><p>
  <em>E: What if he doesn’t want to?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>F: I didn’t stop a movie because you have to ignore what I’m saying. Just stop being a proud idiot and talk to him</em>
</p><p>
  <em>E: you’re right</em>
</p><p>And then again.</p><p>
  <em>E: Thank you ❤️<br/></em>
</p><p>
  <em>F: 💜</em>
</p><p>And then he threw his telephone back on the couch, resting his head on the pillow and arranging the blanket on top of him, eating the movie with his eyes as it arrived to the last scene, where Ally sings I’ll Never Love Again, and that was the holy hit for him, definitely hurt him in the deepest.</p><p>As mire tears cut his face, he heard the door opening. Ele was home with her group, who went straight to the kitchen, not noticing Filippo, who was curled in his blanket and looked more like a mountain of clothes. The only one noticing the older man was Eva, who sat on the couch, right at his feet “good evening” he said, looking the readhead.</p><p>”More like goodnight. You look like a zombie”</p><p>”I see we are down for compliments tonight, how sweet”</p><p>Eva smiled, caressing his arm “do you want to come with us? We are having pizza”</p><p>”I’m not hungry”</p><p>”Fili” she whispered “you can’t be that depressed forever”</p><p>”Five years, Eva”</p><p>”I know, but letting go it’s an art too, and I think you are capable”</p><p>”I can’t. He hurt me” he said, with his face buried in his pillow.</p><p>”What if you are going to find your true love tomorrow? You would miss it because you want to stay depressed at home?”</p><p>”Oh, please, you’re not over Giovanni” he said with a bitter tone, watching her friend trying to comfort him.</p><p>”You’re right” she smiled “but at least I try. And you? What are you waiting for?”</p><p>”I don’t know?”</p><p>”Then why don’t you come with us? We can go drinking somewhere”</p><p>”Sounds like a temptation. I thought you were going to have a pizza”</p><p>”Yes, but Silvia was in the mood for drinking too”</p><p>”We are such losers” he laughed, sitting next to Eva, hugging her tightly “thank you”</p><p>”It’s nothing, seriously. You’re always the one with the good advices, why can’t I be the one for once?”</p><p>”You got a point” he laughed, raising his hands.</p><hr/><p>So, Filippo took advantage of the situation and went straight to the bathroom for a quick shower, then he rushed naked in his bedroom and got dressed, reaching the girls in the kitchen, with a room full of surprised faces.</p><p>”It’s good you are coming. Silvia is hysterical without a man beside her, gay or not” joked Sana, giving Silvia a sarcastic smile.</p><p>”Not true” Silvia commented “I just missed staying with you. You and only you” she said, hugging Filippo.</p><p>”What a bitch!” Ele shouted laughing “You haven’t seen me since Fede’s party and now you hug my brother. Speechless”</p><p>”You are my favourite siblings” she admitted, bringing Ele in the hug too “except for Edoardo, I heard he has a fascinating broth-“</p><p>”Edoardo who? The one with the pubic hair on the head?” Filippo interrupted. He genuinely heard of him a few times, and they weren’t exactly compliments.</p><p>“He has such beautiful hair” Silvia said, with a dreamy voice. </p><p>Sana rolled her eyes “she is so lost for him. Too bad he is horrible and terrible”</p><p>”Can we go now?” Silvia questioned, annoyed by Sana’s sarcasm.</p><hr/><p>Once outside, the group decided to go to a pub new season party, opened the same day. It was Ele’s last day in Italy, before she could leave again to Manchester.<br/><br/>They took their seats and waited for the waiter to come, meanwhile, they were talking about how things were going downhill since Eleonora left, and even some nostalgic moment. Luckily it would have been her last semester in Manchester, and by March she would have finished the cultural exchange.</p><p>When Filippo checked his phone to see the time, he was surprised to see a new message from Elia.</p><p>E: I see you 😉</p><p>Filippo raised his gaze, trying to see where the boy was, but the pub was too full of people.</p><p>F: I cannot😔</p><p>F: Where are you?</p><p>E: Meet me outside?</p><p>Filippo turned off his phone and interrupted the girls “I’m going out to smoke a cigarette, okay?”</p><p>He made his way out the crowd, noticing Elia sat at the table under the tree. He was with Gio and Luchi, and waved his hand at him “tell how could you see me if you were outside” he said, taking a cigarette from his packet.</p><p>”Instagram” he andwered “sit with us”</p><p>”I told the others that I was going out for a cig. I don’t have much time”</p><p>”It will be quick, I promise” Elia said, smiling. So Filippo nodded and sat in front of him and next to Luca, leaving his phone on the table.</p><p>”So you knew about Marti?” asked Gio, taking a puff from his cigarette.</p><p>”About the fight?”</p><p>”No, Fili” Elia interrupted “that he is gay”</p><p>Fili stunned, he did nor know exactly what to say or what to do. He bet that more than a minute passed between the question and his answer. He promised Martino that he would have kept his mouth shut, but that would have helped in any ways. So he opened his mouth to speak, but Elia interrupted again “so you knew”</p><p>”How do you know?”</p><p>”Emma’s brother spread the rumor that he left Emma for a dude. Do you know him?” Gio’s tone was very serious. He felt out of place when a new Martino’s acquaintance knew, but not him.</p><p>”I’ve seen him once or twice, but I don’t know every fag in the zone”</p><p>”Don’t worry” Elia reassured the blond man, he noticed that he was tense “it’s just that we feel bad that he didn’t tell us. We have known each others since we were children”</p><p>”Eli, it’s not easy to tell”</p><p>”But we are his friends” Gio added.</p><p>”And that is true, but, Giovanni, imagine discovering you are gay, would you tell Elia, or Martino, or Luca?”</p><p>Giovanni stopped. Filippo was awfully true, and he felt even more bad for overreacting before that night “what should we do the?”</p><p>”Go talk to him” Filippo said with a soft voice “especially you, Elia, tell him you are sorry, okay?”</p><p>Elia nodded, and the other two boys watched the scene. It wasn’t usual for Elia to admit his errors or to be convinced by a person, not even Martino ever did with him.</p><p>”Do you know where is he?” Luca asked.</p><p>”I don’t know, but I can call”</p><p>”Don’t worry, I want to make up with him once he’s ready” </p><p>Once Gio finished talking, Filippo turned his head and saw Eva on the doorstep, looking at them with a suspicious face.</p><p>”I’m sorry, but I have to go” he whispered, greeting them and running to Eva.</p><p>”Hey, aren’t you cold?”</p><p>”I thought you were going out for a cigarette”</p><p>”I did”</p><p>”Oh yes, you did and didn’t even smoke it, right?” Eva was not pissed, she was more flustered that he was talking with Gio “you could tell me you were going out to talk with Gio”</p><p>She said, going back to the others. How could he explain that they met him to ask about Martino’s sexuality? Maybe it was better not to tell her. He tried to reach her “Eva, I went out and they-“</p><p>They were interrupted by Gio, who patted Filippo’s right shoulder “hey Fili, you forgot your phone” he said smiling, returning it to the blond man “see you around, mate”</p><p>Eva looked at Filippo another time “is he gay too?”</p><p>”So you knew too”</p><p>”You knew and you did not tell me?!”<br/><br/>“Eva he asked me for an advice”</p><p>”You knew he was gay and you told me NOTHING!”</p><p>”Eva, goddamn, I can’t go around warning everyone I see that Martino is gay!”</p><p>”What?” she asked confused “Martino is gay?”</p><p>Filippo realized that they were talking about the wrong person, taking a deep breath to avoid the feeling he had to slap himself in the face.</p><p>”What do you mean by Martino is gay?” She asked again, this time speaking a way too loud “Cazzo! Filippo answer me!”</p><p>“Alright, I’m going home” he said, giving a kiss on Eva’s cheek, although she was clearly pissed off.</p><p>He put his phone in his pocket and going out, walking to the parking lot and arriving to his car, and once he got inside it he pushed his head back on the seat and took another big breath, screaming a huge “Fuck!” and hitting the wheel, making a honk that was audible through the while parking lot.</p><p>He trapped his head in his hands and letting go some tears. It wasn’t just for Martino, it was the whole situation he was living in since the breakup.</p><p>“Fili are you okay?” he heard a voice from outside, and looking closely he found Elia watching him through the car window “do you want me to come him”</p><p>He looked at him and nodded, so the younger boy got into the car with no hesitation “hey, what’s up?”</p><p>”I told Eva that Martino is gay” then he watched Elia, who had a concerned expression “I didn’t want to”</p><p>”How did it happen?”</p><p>”When Gio came to return me my phone, she asked me if he was gay, and I thought she was speaking about Martino” Filippo felt the blood rush to his face, giving another hit to the wheel.</p><p>”Hey, it’s not your fault, she would have discovered t anyway” Elia tried to reassure him, placing his hand on the older boy arm.</p><p>”It’s just that everything I do, I do wrong” he muttered, refusing to watch Elia in the face, because he knew it would have broken him down even more “it’s just a bad period”</p><p>”I understand you, but you are not alone, right?” he asked, smiling.</p><p>”Right” he smiled back “you’re such an angel, I don’t deserve it”</p><p>”Why not? I don’t know who you think you are, but you are not,m. You are a good person, trust me, and mistaking is human”</p><p>”You’re too kind” he said, drying his eyes with his hand.</p><p>”What happened? I mean, what actually happened that makes you feel like this?”</p><p>Filippo sighed “I broke with my ex because he cheated on me”</p><p>”And do you think it is your fault?”</p><p>”Well, I think, If I-“</p><p>”There’s no if and no but, Fili, he did it because he is a bastard, not because you are not enough”</p><p>”You’re too kind” he said, slightly smiling, but then he dired his tears with his hand “anyway, do you need a ride home?”</p><p>”No, thank you, I can catch the bus”</p><p>”I won’t let you catch the bus at this hour of the night?”</p><p>”It’s just 11 pm”</p><p>”Exactly”</p><hr/><ul>
<li><strong>You Came Through Like The Sweetener You Are</strong></li>
</ul><p>
  <em><br/>Mercoledì 28 Novembre</em>
</p><p>It was a quiet afternoon, and Filippo just returned from university, laying on his bed and closed his eyes. Now that Ele was back to England, he could rest peacefully on his bed for hours without being harassed in any way.</p><p>Finally, he could say that he almost went through everything Giorgio did, but he didn’t went through the trust issues and issues, and that was sensible, because it was natural not to trust anyone, after everything his ex-boyfriend put him into.</p><p>His thoughts were interrupted when he heard some knocks on the door, so he put on the first shirt he found and rushed to the living room, opening it and finding the young brunette behind it “Hi” he greeted.</p><p>”Oh” he was surprised to see Elia at his apartment “hi Eli”</p><p>”I asked Silvia where was your apartment, I hope you don’t mind”</p><p>Filippo smiled and welcomed the young boy inside his house “sorry for the mess, but Ele is in England. Also I didn’t expect visits”</p><p>”It doesn’t matter, it’s still tidier than my room”</p><p>”Young mess, aren’t you? You can sit on the couch if you want”</p><p>He smiled and sat, waiting for him as he went to the kitchen, bringing two beers “I’m not used to give alcohol to the minors, but I can make an exception”</p><p>”Thank you” he said, accepting the bottle.</p><p>”What do I owe your visit to?”</p><p>”I made up with Martino”</p><p>”That’s sweet” he commented, giving a big smile to the younger boy “how did that happen?”</p><p>“At school, Gio asked to spend the weekend in Bracciano, and that’s it. We made peace and he told us about Niccolò”</p><p>”I’m so happy about it”</p><p>”It was thank to you, most of all, you convinced me to... And I came here to check on you”</p><p>”So nice of you”</p><p>”How are you, Fili?”</p><p>”I’m” Filippo made a little pause, watching the floor for a moment “fine, I guess. I don’t think about him like before”</p><p>”That’s good”</p><p>”And I don’t want to fall in love anymore, that would be too much to handle, and I’m not ready”</p><p>”But there will be a moment anyway, you should not give up on love just because of him”</p><p>”That was hard to get through, Elia, I know that he is the past, and that I won’t find anyone like him anymore, and that’s heartwarming, but I can’t trust anyone”</p><p>Elia stood in silence, taking a sip from his beer, then Filippo spoke again “what about you? We always speak about how my life is a shit”</p><p>”I’m not interested in anyone, although my friends want me to hook up with someone”</p><p>”So it’s not a girl characteristic?”</p><p>”Matching their friends with someone disgusting?”</p><p>Filippo laughed “Yes. They matched me with a boy from Florence. He was okay, but he talked so slowly that I was almost falling asleep”</p><p>”Oh God, Gio matched me with a girl from our school, and she is insane, she eats candles” the younger man made a disgusted face and laughed. Maybe he had a lot in common with Elia, and maybe he was curious to discover more “and she was ugly”</p><p>”You’re so mean”</p><p>”I’m not, I promise”</p><p>The two of them were a way too close to each other, and Elia noticed, but in that moment he couldn’t care less, he was having fun and that was distracting Filippo.</p><p>“So what are your intentions now? You’re going to be blind matched over and over again”</p><p>”I don’t think and I don’t care, I’m not afraid to be alone ”</p><p>”You’re so wise, Santini”</p><p>”I thought you saw me still as a child”</p><p>”Can’t children be wise?”</p><p>”Can children drink beer too?”</p><p>Now their legs were touching, and Filippo caught Elia’s intention, and partially was totally in favor of it. Elia was gorgeous, and had a beautiful mind, but, on the other hand, he was pretty sure he was straight, and didn’t want to be anyone’s free trial.</p><p>He ignored every thought and got even nearer Elia, whispering in his ear “you’re not a child to me”</p><p>Elia shivered, placing a hand behind Filippo’s neck, starting a line of gentle kisses from his jaw to his cheek, they took a second to look into each other’s eye, and then the inevitable happened. They erose the space between them, lips touching in a passionate kiss, while their hands were exploring their bodies. Filippo was not sure that was Elia’s first kiss with a man, but ignored it when they kept the kiss for a few minutes, and once they got off each other, Elia looked in his eyes and blushed, he accidentally laid on the couch, and Filippo was all over him like a blanket.</p><p>”I’m sorry” Filippo whispered, seeing that the younger boy was speechless, but after his words, a grin appeared on his face, bringing Filippo back to the kiss, and that spoke to him better than words.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Sabato 1 Dicembre 23:43</em>
</p><p>The guys were sat at the table, drinking their grilled coffee and talking about Niccolò and what Martino should have done. While Gio thought about writing him an icy message, Elia told him not to write him anything and talk to him on Monday at school. But Marti followed Gio’s advice, because he would have fet guilty as fuck acting like an asshole.</p><p>In the night, when Niccolò arrived in Bracciano, they left for two hours, going to a pub to have something to drink, but when they returned they heard a moan from the bedroom, so it was clear that Martino was busy, so they grabbed their joysticks, heated some popcorns, hoping that the moans would disappear soon. They also rolled another joint and smoked it while playing FIFA.</p><p>Elia was stoned and slightly drunk when he received a message from Filippo “come outside, I’m waiting for you 😉”. He was confused, how could he know where he was?</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Sabato 1 Dicembre 21:40</em>
</p><p>Filippo was insecure whether to go or not in Bracciano, at Gio’s house to make him a surprise. He knew he would have appreciated it, but he didn’t want to look ossessive or invasive. But in the end he convinced himself to write to Eva.</p><p>
  <em>F: Hey amo</em>
</p><p>
  <em>E: Amo, tell me everything </em>
</p><p>
  <em>F: You can answer it or not, if you want to</em>
</p><p>
  <em>E: Alright, tell me everything amo</em>
</p><p>
  <em>F: Do you know where Marti is?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>E: I think in Bracciano with the guys. Why?</em>
</p><p>”E grazie al cazzo, Eva” he thought, trying to get more information possible.</p><p>
  <em>F: I have to give something to Marti, it’s very important</em>
</p><p>
  <em>E: Wait I’m looking for the position<br/></em>
</p><p>Filippo waited patiently for the position, and once he received the “📍position” he took his shoes on and rushed downstairs, in order to get into his car and take the highway to Bracciano.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Sabato 1 Dicembre 23:43</em>
</p><p>”Come outside, I’m waiting for you 😉”</p><p>Elia looked behind him, out of the window, but it was too dark, and the absence of lights made it impossible to see anything other than darkness.</p><p>Elia wasn’t sure how to answer to that, and he couldn’t tell Gio. They didn’t know about him and Filo, so he was chained. But maybe, that was his lucky day, because Gio rubbed his eyes and said “I’m going to sleep, pass me the sleeping bag, Lu”</p><p>So, Elia took advantage of the situation “my dad just called, I should go outside and call him back”</p><p>”You can call him here, it’s freezing outside”</p><p>”It doesn’t matter, I have no service here”</p><p>”Alright then. Turn off the lights when you are your way out”</p><p>Elia nodded and faked a call while he was going outside. He felt the December breeze on his face, taking a few steps with his phone torch, he was looking for his car, but suddenly he felt a hand on his hips and one covering his mouth “give me all your money”</p><p>Elia jumped in fear, realizing soon after that it was Filippo’s voice, who was laughing his ass off looking at Elia’s terrorized face “hi, sweetie”</p><p>”Fuck, Fili, I hate you”</p><p>”No, I’m quite sure you don’t”</p><p>He got near Elia, hands on hips, pushing him to himself in order to erase the space between them again, like they did on Wednesday.</p><p>”What are you doing here?”</p><p>”I wanted to see you?”</p><p>”You drove a hour just to see me?”</p><p>”Yes, absolutely” he said, seeing a small grin appearing on Elia’s face, then he took his hands and brought him to his car. Once inside they were definitely warmer than outside “So, aren’t you happy to see me?”</p><p>Elia nodded and laid his head on Filippo’s shoulder “how are you?” the older man asked.</p><p>”I’m great. A little high, but I’m great”</p><p>”I can tell, you smell like Bob Marley”</p><p>“It’s good to see you here Fili” he whispered, caressing his chest with his hands.</p><p>”Yeah” he answered, staying in silence for a while “I have to tell you something”</p><p>”What’s up?” Elia asked, worried about Filippo’s tone “what’s wrong?”</p><p>”I don’t want to hurt you, but...”</p><p>”But?”</p><p>”I can’t do this. I still love him and I can’t use you to forget him”</p><p>These words echoed in his head for a while, and before he could say anything he felt like a buzz through his body, like he was falling into the void. He closed his eyes, and when he opened them he was not anymore in Filippo’s car, he was in Gio’s living room, with a half finished joint in his hands, while Gio and Luchino were asleep on the floor, in their sleeping bags. He was brought to the reality when he heard the bangs in Giovanni’s bedroom, they were having sex for sure.</p><p>He realized that is was just a “nightmare”, if that was the correct word,; nightmare fed by the fact that Filippo didn’t text him back after they kissed a few days before, and he was too proud to text him for a second time in a row, so he just accepted that he fell for another idiot.</p><p>Pushing his head back on the cushion, he  stretched the blanket, watching the ceiling while his friend was fucking in the room next to them.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Late Night Feelings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <ul>
<li><strong>Feeling On&amp;On</strong></li>
</ul><p>
  <em><br/>Venerdì 21 Dicembre</em>
</p><p>Intense week, that’s how Filippo would describe that with just one word. Eleonora came back from Manchester, and hopefully never leave Rome anything soon. Right then, their mother came from Padua too, bringing them all around the city with her to visit their relatives before Christmas, and, definitely, Filippo was not in the mood to tell all his aunts with Alzheimer that he was gay and he didn’t have a girlfriend and NEVER had, though his mother literally preyed him not to make a complete ass of himself, especially with her mother’s entrepreneur friends.</p><p>He had no chance to rest, and when he came home, and opened up WhatsApp, he found a voice message by Martino.</p><p>”Hey Fili, I am organizing a tombola night today, and I was wondering if you and Eleonora wanted to come along. So you can, like, meet Niccolò and my friends”</p><p>Filippo sighed.</p><p>Going to the tombola night would have meant meeting Elia again, and he did not know whether the young boy still wanted to see him again after he ghosted him.</p><p>Eleonora received the message too, like the other girls, and rushed into his brother’s room to warn about their presence at the party, and how he could not refuse that.</p><p>Filippo sighed again. He genuinely saw and currently sees Martino as a friend, but he wanted to avoid problems as much as he could, most of all because the boys didn’t know the two of them and Elia’s curiosity.</p><p>He felt in a shell.</p><p>He could not go to her sister and tell her that Elia is gay, or even Martino. He respected Elia’s privacy and did not think that it was appropriate to force his coming out talking with someone he knows, so silence won.</p><p>In the evening, he prepared and drove to Marti’s place, and when he opened the door he could see how they were there. All of them. All reunited.</p><p>”Fili” Martino shouted, hugging his friend “I didn’t think you would have come”</p><p>”Me neither, but here I am”</p><p>”Come with me, I have introductions to make”</p><p><em>Oh fuck</em> he thought as the redhead took his hand and brought him in the kitchen.</p><p>”He is Niccolò” Martino said, introducing his boyfriend to Filippo, who shook his hand and said ”nice to meet you”</p><p>“And they are my friends”</p><p>”We already know” Giovanni stated “we met the same day you freaked out”</p><p>”Oh” Marti said, mouth gaping “that was unexpected”</p><p>And then he came. Elia. He was leaned on the kitchen’s door, smiling ironically at Filippo, as they saw each other again. He said “yes, he helped us”<br/><br/>“Anyway” Martino started, giving a glass full of wine to the blond man “wine?”</p><p>”You know I can’t refuse that”</p><p>Filippo smiled, accepting the glass and going to the living room, reaching the other girls to escape Elia’s gaze, but that was impossible. Everywhere he went he felt Elia’s eyes on him. And that made him think: who was the immature one?</p><p>“Filippo” shouted Eva, hugging Filippo “haven’t seen you since forever. How are you?”</p><p>”I’m fine, I guess. And you?”</p><p>”I’m fine” she smiled “you started drinking?”</p><p>”Martino gave me that” he smiled back “and you? Why are you not drinking”</p><p>”I wanted to talk to Gio, he would never take me seriously if I’m drunk”</p><p>”Talk about what?”</p><p>”That I miss and cannot be without him”</p><p>”Tell her how it is a bad idea” Sana interrupted.</p><p>”Sincerely? I don’t know, I’m good at gay topics, I don’t know how straight boys think”</p><p>“Should I go then?”</p><p>”I don’t know, but you can try” they turned and saw that he still was in the kitchen with Luca and Niccolò “go talk to him, if you think it’s an appropriate time”</p><p>Eva smiled and gave Filippo a kiss on his cheek. After that he finished his glass of wine and looked at the others, especially for Elia, who was decorating the tree. He wanted to talk to him without drawing any attention from the others.</p><p>He took some courage and walked to the Christmas tree, taking a ball from the box and hanging it near Elia, catching his attention. He smiled at Filippo and went back to the decorations. Filippo was ready to say something, but, unfortunately, he was interrupted by Silvia, who needed his help to answer to an Edoardo text. In that moment he could swear he had never ever cursed silently that much.</p><p>Though Silvia was talking to him and the other girls, his attention was elsewhere, and when he looked back he saw that Elia was not in the room anymore, neither in the kitchen, and fuck, he wanted to talk to him, but Silvia did not want to let him go anytime soon.</p><p>He used the pee excuse to go to the bathroom, and in that exact moment Elia came out, almost hitting on Filippo’s chest.</p><p>”Excuse me” he said, trying to avoid Filippo.</p><p>”Elia, can we talk”</p><p>”I think how you acted was enough”</p><p>”Please, listen to me”</p><p>”What? Do you want to tell me that kissing me was an error?”</p><p>”Why do you think that?”</p><p>”I’m not the best when it comes to feelings. You know I just came out from a toxic relationship, I didn’t want to be hurt again with the possibility of catching feelings”</p><p>”I would have appreciated if you told me, like, a month ago”</p><p>”I’m sorry, and I mean it”</p><p>”Why should I believe you?”</p><p>”Why should I show up after a month to tell you I’m sorry”</p><p>”Stop being such a pussy. I’m not your ex, and I really thought I could catch feelings for you, Filippo. Fuck, I even dreamt about you once or twice”</p><p>”Are you serious?”</p><p>”Why shouldn’t I be?”</p><p>”Because...”</p><p>Elia shook his head, in attendance “because...?”</p><p>”I thought about you for the whole time, and I was scared you would hurt me like he-“</p><p>”Stop it” Elia ordered “I’m not Giorgio, okay? We are different, and I’m not any way like him. And you have to learn to move on, you cannot be afraid all the time”</p><p>”I guess you’re right” he lowered his head and giggled “I didn’t think I would have never said that to a seventeen year olds I met almost three months ago”</p><p>”I’m seventeen but I can be wise... When I want”</p><p>Filippo waited a few minutes and then spoke again “so now?”</p><p>”Now what?”</p><p>”What about us?”</p><p>”I like you, you like me” Elia hinted “so I guess we can try?”</p><p>”But aren’t you closeted?”</p><p>”I will come out to them and to my parents, but... I want to see how things can go”</p><p>Filippo smiled. Elia was such a wise and careful guy. Still he didn’t know if things could work “no feelings?”</p><p>Elia smiled a little “deal. No feelings”</p><p>Filippo closed his eyes as their foreheads touched, for the second time since they met, hearing Elia’s breath speed up as he put a hand behind his neck to sink into a deep kiss, a relaxed one, though all their friends were in the other room, almost able to see them.</p><hr/><ul>
<li><strong>Write Your Erotic</strong></li>
</ul><p>
  <em><br/>Lunedì 31 Dicembre</em>
</p><p>On New Year’s Eve the boys were reunited again, going to a local event in Rome, with music, alcohol and girls all around the dance floor. Niccolò and Martino even thought about getting Elia a girl for the night, to end the year in the best way. Gio was flirting with the Argentina, that was casually there, spending the night with her group. She also invited all of them over, to spend the night together.</p><p>Elia was not lucid, he was on his was to get shit drunk, but it somehow didn’t fit the expectations he had for NYE. Also he wanted to spend the time with Filippo, who was out in Rome to celebrate with his friends, although they were texting he wasn’t fine anyway; there was a girl a way too close to him, and she was part of Sofia’s group, so he could not be rude like he wanted to be.</p><p>F: Having fun?</p><p>Elia smiled when he received the message and put his drink on the table to answer him. He realized after how he was smiling like an idiot staring at his phone.</p><p>E: Yes, but I wanted to stay with you</p><p>F: Liar 🤥</p><p>E: I swear 😢</p><p>F: If you act like the cool kid you are, I promise tomorrow we will stay together</p><p>E: Tomorrow I have dinner with my family, but in the afternoon I can find room to come over</p><p>F: Wow</p><p>F: Businessman </p><p>F: I like it</p><p>F: I like you</p><p>F: I’m lucky you like me back</p><p>With that series of messages he smiled even harder, he didn’t know if he was drunk and sincerely could not care less, I mean, he was drunk too, so who cares.</p><p>E: I guess you are 🥰</p><p>F: Mmmh, icy 🥶 I like it</p><p>E: you’re such a lost cause 😔</p><p>F: Maybe this lost cause can come over and see how things are going</p><p>E: Nice joke 🙁</p><p>F: I’m serious, I’m actually near you, I can find a minute to come over 😌</p><p>E: Then I’m looking forward to see you</p><p>He saw that Filippo was texting him back, but suddenly he stopped when he saw that strange girl getting close to him, and behind her Marti and Gio doing the thumbs up, and God knew how he wanted to kill them.</p><p>”Hey” she started, sitting next to him. His friends sent her for sure, and he was so annoyed by the situation; still, he didn’t want to let the others know about his secret relationship.</p><p>”Hey” he said, as she waved her hand.</p><p>”Nice to meet you. Name is Elena”</p><p>Elena was not that bad, she was tall and slim, with big breasts and nice curves, he may say everybody’s type, and she was just talking with Elia, but he couldn’t feel anything, not even a move from below the belt.</p><p>”Elia” he replied, trying to get back to his drink, to loosen up the tension a bit.</p><p>”I wanted to talk to you, but I didn’t know if I was your type, so I asked your friends”</p><p>”Oh” he let out his mouth, seeing Martino smiling behind them. He rubbed his eyes in semi-desperation “I didn’t expect that”</p><p>”You seem interesting” she whispered, placing a hand on his one. She was too sure of herself, making it difficult for Elia to tell her he’s not actually interested “why don’t we dance a little?”</p><p>”No, thanks” he fake-smiled, but Elena wasn’t used to be declined, so she took his hand and forced him to go on the dance floor.</p><p>Meanwhile, Gio was witnessing the scene, not really quite sure what was going on. He preferred texting at his rather than dance with her, so he patted Marti shoulder in order to catch his and his boyfriend attention “Do you know what’s wrong with him?”</p><p>”I don’t know, but now they’re dancing” Niccolò affirmed, ignoring that Elia was just moving his feet slowly while Elena was almost twerking on him”</p><p>”Yea, but look at him, he looks like a piece of wood. I mean, he got Elena and he’s acting like it’s his worst nightmare”</p><p>Elena was shaking her ass on him and Elia didn’t dare to touch her in any way, not until she turned to him, hands on his shirt that slowly rose to his face to bring him into a kiss. Elia’s eyes shouted and was immediately brought by the impulse of get her off him.</p><p>He moved his hands to her shoulders and looked at her with his eyes shout, then he whispered something unintelligible in his ears and walked outside the disco.</p><p>Elena left confused and alone, walking to Martino and Giovanni “Is your friend okay?”</p><p>”Why?”</p><p>”I kissed him and he run out”</p><p>Gio closed his eyes and shook his head “maybe he had too much to drink”</p><p>”If you say so” she said, sitting on the minibar’s stool</p><hr/><p>When Elia run out the disco, he felt his phone vibrating and answered immediately without reading the name, knowing it was Filippo for sure “Hey Fili”</p><p>”Eli, I’m near you, are you the one with a floreal shirt?”</p><p>”Damn you” he said, hanging up the call, as he saw the blondie walking his way. He run and hugged him tightly “finally you’re here”</p><p>”I told you I’d come” he smiled, hugging back, then he pushed back the hug and saw his face “what’s up? You don’t look good”</p><p>Elia had a sudden nausea reminding what happened before, so he run to one of the bushes outside the local and puked the fuck out of him.</p><p>”Hey” Filippo muttered, placing a hand on his back “you had too much to drink”</p><p>”I think I’m gay” Elia said in one breath, cleaning his mouth with a tissue.</p><p>Filippo couldn’t contain the laughter, maybe because of the alcohol “You what?!”</p><p>”I’m gay, Fili” then he saw that the blond man couldn’t stop laughing “stop laughing, asshole!”</p><p>”Okay, okay!” he shouted laughing, getting a hand on Elia’s shoulder “mind telling me why?”</p><p>”A girl flirted with me, she pushed on the dance floor and... She kissed me. Gross!”</p><p>”Was she that ugly”</p><p>”Her fucking breath smell like a dog, fucking God!”</p><p>Filippo smiled and pinned him on the wall “maybe you needed just a good kisser”</p><p>Elia grinned and pushed his lips aggressively on Filippo’s ones, like a breath of fresh air after a night spent in a closed room. Then Filippo pushed him back, as he noticed that the younger boy was being too impulsive, too warm and too red on the face. He felt the sexual tension between them and couldn’t bare to do anything with him while he was drunk.</p><p>”You get me so horny” he whispered in his ear.</p><p>”Then calm down, we are not the only one outside”</p><p>Elia bit his lip and brought a hand on Filippo’s crotch, feeling that he was carried by the situation “you are horny too”</p><p>”Yes, but I won’t fuck you if you can’t remember” he whispered in his ear.</p><p>Filippo pushed himself back and Eia groaned “I can suck you off whenever you want, this invitation is always valid”</p><p>Destiny wanted that in the exact moment  they separated, Gio came out too, seeing just Elia and Filippo talking. He reached them “Elia, what the fuck did you do!”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You refused Elena!”</p><p>”Her breath fucking stinks, it’s not my fault”</p><p>Giovanni closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then turned to Filippo “anyway, Filippo I didn’t know you were here too”</p><p>Filippo smiled “I came for a friend and saw Elia outside”</p><p>He gave a smirk to Elia, who had a malicious grin printed on his face, they both were sunk in their complicity and were extremely amused by the secret relationship thing, or at least, for the beginning of it.</p><hr/><ul>
<li><strong>Late Night Feelings</strong></li>
</ul><p>When Filippo woke up, he found himself needy of water, as he felt his mouth drier than ever, so he rushed to the bathroom to drink directly from the tap. Once he was able to think properly, the thought about the previous night, when Elia and him were interrupted by Giovanni, and soon after he left again to reach his friends at the gay street. Wild night if he may say, but his thoughts were only towards the young boy he should have met that day.</p><p>Though he thought it was early, it actually was almost midday, and Eleonora was about to return from the church with their mother, so he was surprised when he heard some footsteps ok the parquet.</p><p>”Filippo, good morning” a voice he had not heard for years said, it came from the living room and realized that he was his father, maybe he came early from Milan or maybe recalled he had a family.</p><p>Filippo slowly walked him, hesitating like he thought he had an hallucination “dad?”</p><p>His father lowered the tv volume and looked at him, almost in disgust “dress up, does it look the way to go around?”</p><p>”Sorry if I just woke up in my house, Vittorio”</p><p>He had just his boxers on, still it was inappropriate for his father.</p><p>”I’m deeply sorry, Mr. Resentment” so it was clear who Filippo got his bitter sarcasm from.</p><p>Somehow, Filippo was not neither surprised nor pleased to see his father at home, not that he has never seen him as a father. He left to Milan when Eleonora was just a child, and soon after also their mother left for Padua, getting them an apartment they could use as a cage.</p><p>”What are you doing here?”</p><p>”Last time I checked you’re still my son” then his father looked at him from the bottom to the top “what the fuck have you done to your hair?”</p><p>”Bleached” he said brashly.</p><p>”Women bleach their hair, you must dye them brown”</p><p>Filippo rolled his eyes and took the packet of cigarette from the table, going on the balcony and light one up, picking up his phone and going to Elia’s chatroom.</p><p>E: Good morning and happy new year ❤️❤️</p><p>E: How are you today? You drank a lot</p><p>Filippo needed to open up about it with someone, and maybe Elia could understand, since he did not have the best relationship with his father too.</p><p>He decided to send a voice message “Well, not started in the best way. That annoying ass that my father eyes just showed up and is pretends he’s the owner of my life”</p><p>Then he heard the door opening, it was Eleonora, who just came back from the church “what is he doing here”</p><p>”I don’t know but I hope he leaves soon”</p><p>”Please, what has he done in a hour”</p><p>”He commented on how men do not bleach their hair”</p><p>”You know how strict he is, just get along with him for a few days”</p><p>”I’m going out this afternoon don’t wait me for dinner”</p><p>Eleonora shook her head a bit “wait, going where?”</p><p>”Why are you all stressing me today?”</p><p>”Filo, I just asked you where are you going”</p><p>”Away from him, I don’t want to see him”</p><p>She got near him and said “nor do I, but we have to play the perfect family in front of their friends, remember it”</p><p>”I won’t act like I don’t hate him, Ele, I think it’s better if I go away right after dinner and come back once he’s in fucking Fiumicino”</p><p>”You can’t leave me with them, I beg you, Filo”</p><hr/><p>At the New Year’s dinner, they were invited over by a colleague of Vittorio, who knew that he and his wife were back in Rome, celebrating with a big dinner between entrepreneurs, but both Eleonora and Filippo were tired of fake-smiling in front of those mummies, so when the dessert arrived, Filippo was well happy that he could use an apology to run away, maybe going to Elia, since they had an appointment that afternoon.</p><p>So, as soon as he read Elia “I’m home alone, dad is at my grandma” he did not hesitate to invent a sort of apology to leave them all, getting into his car and driving to Elia’s place.</p><p>When he rang the bell, the young boy opened smiling, inviting him in, and once the door was closed behind them, Elia hugged the older man, knowing that he was upset about his father “want to talk?”</p><p>”I don’t want to bore you”</p><p>”You won’t, I promise” he said, leading him to the couch “alright, now you have all my attention”</p><p>”So” Filippo started “he came back and I didn’t know about it. Mom, obviously, was too busy to warn me, and I can tell Eleonora didn’t know too”</p><p>”What’s wrong with your father?”</p><p>”Vittorio is-“</p><p>”Wait, his name is Vittorio?”</p><p>”Yes?” he stated, with a tone that sounded more like a question.</p><p>Elia giggled “my dad’s name is Vittorio too”</p><p>”Then we are brothers and that’s incest” he said, kissing his cheek.</p><p>”Not that I care, we can’t have babies... But, continue”</p><p>”As I was saying, Vittorio is a difficult person, he is always busy with business and is so dissatisfied with me and Eleonora. He is such a control freak, and I can’t stand him”</p><p>”Somehow my father is like that too. I mean, he is strict, but I can tell that he loves me”</p><p>”Mine doesn’t care about my life, or Eleonora. I think he didn’t want a family anyway. All he cares about is money, money and money. When I came out to him he laughed at me and said <em>act like a man</em>, so since then mine was just a trial to not be what he wanted me to be. I don’t know if that makes sense, but that’s how I feel about him”</p><p>Elia sighed, getting a hand on Filippo’s leg “I’m sorry you have to face him, but I’m sure the situation will change once he goes away”</p><p>”I hope” Filippo closed his eyes and leaned on Elia, kissing him deeply “you are what I need right now”</p><p>”If you want you can stay. I will be alone ‘till tomorrow night, so you can sleep here if you don’t want to see your father... I mean, if you want to, obviously”</p><p>Filippo gave him a 32 teeth smile and hugged him even harder “thank you, you are so precious”</p><p>”Who said I’m doing it for you? I don’t want to spend the night alone” he laughed and Filippo let his hand go through his brown tuft, while kissing his neck, and sucking on his collarbone “and, for your advice, the purpose I made yesterday is still valid”</p><p>”I don’t want to force you”</p><p>“I want to. Always wanted to”</p><p>”Is it your first time?”</p><p>Elia looked at him in the eyes and waited for a moment, and then spoke again “Yes”</p><p>”With a man?”</p><p>”Ever?”</p><p>Filippo made his arm pass behind Elia’s back, as they were both laid on the couch “then I think you have to wait, I want you to feel ready”</p><p>That night, Elia and Filippo ordered pizza and a couple of beers, going to bed almost naked.</p><p>Filippo watched amused Elia slim figure under the sheets, and smiled harder as he hears “can we spoon?” coming from his mouth.</p><p>That night, maybe the first night in years, Filippo made someone feel protected inside his arms, without sex, or even hand jobs. That’s what he was looking for. Peace</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Into You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <ul>
<li><strong>Is This Going To Happen?</strong></li>
</ul><p>Mercoledì<em> 13 Marzo</em></p><p>Months passed, Filippo didn’t stop one second to hang out with Elia, and apparently the secret relationship was still working, no matter how they had to fake when the two groups met, but at least in that way they were sure not to put too many people in their relationship, like it happened in Filippo’s former one; plus, Elia was a very reserved person, so he couldn’t stand people asking him “when he became gay” or “I thought you liked girls, like you always did”.</p><p>Truth was that Elia always told himself to like girls, like his father taught him, but year after he got tired of faking interest to something that couldn’t move anything in his pants, so he just stopped, completely. That made the boys questioning themselves whether Elia was depressed or just gay, so they had a plan in their mind: matching him with Silvia. That would have been a pro for the two of them: Elia could fuck and Silvia could forget Edoardo once for all.</p><p>Obviously, Elia knew nothing about it, nor Filippo. That until the day he came home with a dozen of beers in his hands, finding all the girls sat in his living room, eating Eleonora’s artichoke risotto, while they were convincing Silvia to go to Niccolò’s university party.</p><p>”Then why can’t we go to Niccolò’s party? All of us?” Eleonora asked, as Filippo sat on the chair, witnessing the scene amused, drinking his wine like he was watching a comedy.</p><p>”Because in one there’s Edoardo and in the other no” she responded without even thinking.</p><p>”But we can all meet new people, how about it? We can meet new poeple”</p><p>”Yes, wonderful idea, like Elia” Eva said. At those words Filippo almost gagged on his wine. <em>What the fuck does Elia has to do with this?</em> he thought, careful not to be suspicious.</p><p>”Why Elia? He’s not ‘new people’ “ she asked more annoyed than confused. Maybe she talked to Elia twice in four years of high school.</p><p>”He’s so beautiful and kind and nice and-“ but Eva brainwash was stopped by Sana.</p><p>”Eva, since when is Elia nice?“<br/><br/>”Like that time he tried to hang Osvaldo with the microphone cable, or he tried to set him on fire” the blondie added, stopped on his choice, and Filippo couldn’t hide that he was both irritated and amused.</p><p>”He said he’s sorry, I heard him” </p><p>“Okay but I don’t remember Elia, why don’t you show him to me and uncle Filippo gives you your opinion?”</p><p><em>If they do not give me an Oscar I</em><em> will freak out</em> he thought once again. Then, Silvia showed him a photo pf his profile, a photo knew damn well, he was the first to tell him to post it on Instagram.</p><p>”You know what?” He said, zooming on his face “not bad, I would fuck him right now”</p><p>”Filippo!” Silvia yelled.</p><p>”What? Che bono, maybe I would take him off this jacket, thinking about it”</p><p>“Okay, so now I’ll call Gio and I will tell him that Silvia wants to fuck with Elia” she laughed, looking for Giovanni’s number.</p><p>Okay, maybe the situation was more amusing than annoying, still he felt a hint of jealousy inside him.</p><p>After they talked, Eva looked at them with a worried face “apparently Nico’s party was shit, so now they’s going to Edoardo”</p><p>And then, something unexpected, Edoardo called Silvia, and when she left to talk to him, Filippo took his phone to look at his messages, he had two by Elia.</p><p>E: Niccolò’s party was a shit, so now they want to go to another one</p><p>E: how about we meet instead?</p><p>Filippo smiled at his texts, and he was already thinking about an excuse to sneak out.</p><p>F: are you asking me out?</p><p>F: you know I’m shy 🥺👉🏻👈🏻</p><p>E: let’s make it more romantic</p><p>E: how about I suck your cock right now?</p><p>F: this proposal is so exotic, I’m interested</p><p>F: got me intrigued 🍆💦</p><p>Filippo raised his eyes from the phone and saw that Silvia came back to her chair “no parties. Edoardo said too many people came there”</p><p>”Let me...” Filippo said, going into the kitchen, turning on the radio and the volume, and when he returned everything they heard was Che Confusione by Ricchi e Poveri “what do we care about Nathan Boccia?” he yelled, taking Silvia and dancing with her, followed by the rest of the girls.</p><p>But Filippo forget something, his phone turned on with Elia’s chatroom as thumbnail. Fortunately he realized it more than immediately, but it was too late, one of them surely noticed, because the telephone wasn’t where he left it.</p><p>He looked another time at his messages, le left a vocal note “I’m a block away from your house, get ready”</p><p>He didn’t even have the time to answer that Elia called him, he was surely at the door “Girls, I’m going a moment at the door, a classmate from university came for some files”.</p><p>He rushed down the stairs and opened the door, finding the younger boy behind “hey” he whispered, as he welcomed Elia with a kiss, closing the door behind them “my sister and her friends are up there, so I guess today we have to stay here”</p><p>Filippo’s apartment had two floors, the first one was just a hall with a storage room, while in the second there was the actual house.</p><p>“No problem” he smiled, kissing back.</p><p>”Hey, hey, hey” Filippo whispered into his right year “a little horny tonight, aren’t you?”</p><p>”I haven’t seen you in a week because of school, maybe I want to make things fair” he whispered back, and then he looked behind him “you know? I always had a dream about how interesting can be fucking in a understairs”</p><p>”Yeah?”</p><p>”Yes”</p><p>At his answer, Filippo bit his lip and opened the understairs’ door, closing it with the key. Luckily it was empty, maybe some towels around. Nothing better for them.</p><p>Elia started kissing Filippo’s cheek once they were laid on the ground, hands under his shirt, slowly rising it above his chest, licking and kissing his nipples “you have such a dirty mind”</p><p>Elia giggled and got his face on his neck ”you get me like that, Fili” he whispered in his ear, biting his lobe, while with a hand he teased he unfastened his lover’s belt.</p><p>”Don’t make too much noise if you don’t want us to be found naked by my sister and the others”</p><p>He didn’t reply, he just travelled in his underwear, getting Filippo’s member in his hand, so Filippo just sighed and said “fuck it”, pulling Elia into a passionate kiss.</p><p>But they didn’t calculate the time, because in that exact time they heard footsteps above them, so Filippo switched, getting Elia on the ground and covering his mouth with a hand before he  could say anything.</p><p>They heard Silvia and Eva’s voice, followed by the others.</p><p>”So is it okay if I sleep here?” Eva asked.</p><p>”Absolutely, you can take Filippo’s bed, he can sleep on the couch”</p><p>In that moment Filippo spelled a <em>cazzo</em> silently, he didn’t want to sleep on the couch again.</p><p>”And he has been out for an hour now” they really lost the time cognition closed in that storage “alright, I will take my purse and then we can go out”</p><p>”Wait!” Silvia yelled, so Eleonora stopped halfway on the stairs “at what time do we have to return? Dad wants to know”</p><p>”I don’t know, we have an exam tomorrow, so maybe at midnight?”</p><p>Once they heard Eleonora return and the doorway close, Filippo took his hand off Elia’s mouth “you fucking licked my hand”</p><p>Elia shrugged and said “temptation” </p><p>Filippo got his pants up and said “let’s go up, we have...” then he looked at his phone “two hours”</p><p>And so they did, rushing for a second time, this time up the stairs and into his room. Filippo threw Elia on his bed and whispered in his ear “wait a minute”. Elia laid with his elbows on the mattress, then watching him come back with a bottle of wine and two glasses, pouring a glass of wine to Elia and one to himself.</p><p>”I thought you said wouldn’t have sex with me if I was drunk”</p><p>The blonde giggled “we already had our first time, and now I can’t wait to fuck you”</p><p>They toasted, and once they finished their glasses Elia couldn’t wait to strip his partner, getting behind his legs and spend the night with him.</p><hr/><ul>
<li><strong><em>Let’s Keep It Secret</em></strong></li>
</ul><p>
  <em>Giovedì 14 Marzo</em>
</p><p>It was almost 8 a.m when Elia was woken up by Filippo’s hand on his cheek.</p><p>”Fuck” he muttered, seeing that he was about to miss school “School”</p><p>”I can drive you to school, but you have to hurry up”</p><p>Elia sat on the bed and rubbed his eyes, sighing “how? There are Eva and Eleonora”</p><p>”Pretty sure they left half an hour ago”</p><p>”And you didn’t wake me!”</p><p>”I couldn’t help!” he said as Elia got up to find his clothes, finding an unpleasant surprise on his shirt “fuck!”</p><p>”What’s wrong now?”</p><p>”There’s cum. On my shirt” he said, dropping it on the ground, making Filippo laughing his ass off “cazzo ridi!” he yelled, annoyed “I’m fucking late!</p><p>“Just pick one of my shirts” he suggested, getting on his feet and slapping Elia’s ass as he went to the bathroom “now I’m going to brush my teeth. When I come back I dress up and we can go, okay?”</p><p>Elia sighed and closed his eyes “alright”.</p><p>When he returned Elia was fully dressed and sat on his bed, so Filippo got his clothes and shoes, going to the living room and getting his keys.</p><p>Elia arrived at school at about 8:10, and was strangely on time, even though he had to go home and get his material.</p><p>He reached the other boys, who were in front of the school gate “hey” he greeted, and Gio waved at him, while Niccolò said “finally, thought you would have never come”</p><p>”I woke up late” he said, rubbing the back of his neck “and dad didn’t wake me  up”</p><p>”You’re so messy” Martino laughed, and then the school bell rang “well, let’s go”</p><p>The day was slow and silent for Elia: greek the first hour, math exam the second one and P.E the third, at least he had a chance to sneak out the gym to take a few minutes for himself.</p><p>He was sat on the bench, with the excuse of a hurting ankle, looking at his phone while everyone was exercising and using his phone. That surely wasn’t his day. Still, he was surprised when Eva walked in his direction, taking a sit beside him.</p><p>”Hey”</p><p>“Hey” he answered, not paying enough attention to the redhead.</p><p>”How are you?”</p><p>”Fine, I guess”</p><p>”Alright” she replied, tapping her fingers on the bench “I know”</p><p>Elia put away his phone for a second, watching Eva “know what?”</p><p>”About you and Filippo”</p><p>He let out a giggle “funny”</p><p>”Do you think I’m stupid?”</p><p>”I never said that”</p><p>”Still you are treating me like one. All I’m saying is that I know about you two, and that should not be any shame for you. It’s beautiful, really”</p><p>Elia missed words, he didn’t know how to answer to such a thing, most of all because he would have never expected that to happen “how?”</p><p>Eva smiled “Filippo left his phone on the table and I may have, or not have, took a look. And... tonight I got up for a glass of water and I saw you naked on top of Filippo”</p><p>Elia covered his face with his hands. He was not ashamed, well, maybe a little because Eva saw him naked “please, don’t tell anyone”</p><p>”Don’t worry. Mouth closed, I promise, I respect you and Filippo”</p><p>”Thank you” he mouthed slowly.</p><p>”I just don’t know why you keep it a secret. I think you two are cute together”</p><p>”We are not together, Eva”</p><p>”Friends with benefits?”</p><p>”Kind of. I wanted to be less alone, and I was curious to feel what Martino feels”</p><p>”But?”</p><p>Elia giggled and watched the ground “turned out I’m gay”</p><p>”Gay Gay or gay bi”</p><p>”Gay Gay, I don’t like girls”</p><p>Eva face palmed, remembering what she said Silvia the night before “then I think you might hate me and Giovanni for that”</p><p>”For what?” he asked worried “did you tel-“</p><p>”No” he cut him off “Niccolò and Giovanni purposed to match you with Silvia, like in a blind date. Listen, I’m sorry, I didn’t know that you were gay, and... With Filippo” then she sighed and remembered about the night before “Oh God, I even told Filippo about the plan, I think he hates me now”</p><p>”Don’t worry, one day she will find out. And no, he doesn’t hate you, I think he was amused by the plan, otherwise he would have told me”</p><p>”Why ‘one day’?</p><p>”I don’t feel ready to come out now, you are the first one who knows about my sexuality. Oh, and about me and Fili”</p><p>”If I can tell something from what I learned from Martino and I” she started, licking her lips, not sure how to continue the sentence “don’t hide it, if he spoke in the very beginning, lot of things would have never happened”</p><p>Elia nodded.</p><p>She was right, that could not continue forever; the hidden relationship was funny for the first months, but looking at the following months, he didn’t know if he could continue he had with Filippo in secret. He had strong feelings for Filippo, although they promised each others <em>no feelings, </em>but now he was deep into it, and couldn’t deny that thinking about the future gave him anxiety.</p><p>All his thoughts were stopped when Eva patted his shoulder “now I have to go, good luck”</p><p>He waved his hands at her, and then the break bell rang, so he was all of a sudden reached by Giovanni and the others “what did Eva want from you” Giovanni asked, like he was jealous.</p><p>”She asked me if I’m free for Saturday, for Radio Osvaldo” he felt bad for lying that easily.</p><p>”Oh” he mouthed “I’m going to change”</p><p>Martino still had a confused face “is everything okay, Elia?”</p><p>”Absolutely, why?”</p><p>”You seem puzzled, I don’t know”</p><p>”Yes, everything’s fine” he smiled, getting his rucksack “I’m going up to class now, are you coming?”</p><hr/><p>When Elia returned home, he found his father sat on the table, eating his lunch, and the only thing he said was “lunch is still hot, be fast”</p><p>Elia nodded, dropping his rucksack on the floor, and sat at the table, getting a fork full of past to his mouth while writing to Filippo “Eva knows” and then pressed ‘sand’.</p><p>Meanwhile at the television, on TG1, a new report about a son punched by his dad because he was gay came on, and Elia felt his stomach tightening, almost losing his hunger “I can’t believe that” he said loudly, without noticing “how can a father hate his own son”</p><p>His father shrugged “world is filled with people like that, but sometimes it’s hard for a father to take news like that”</p><p>Elia swallowed hard and opened his mouth “even if I were gay?”</p><p>”I don’t know and I don’t want to think about it” he said, getting up to wash his plate “are you gay, Elia? You made me this question a lot lately”</p><p>Elia stood in silence, looking at his dad, swallowing another time.</p><p>”I knew” he grinned sarcastically “I know it’s a bad period, but I’m sure it’s just a phase”</p><p>”It’s not” Elia said, as he finished his pasta, getting up on his feet “it’s not a phase”</p><p>”No!” he yelled back “you are not gay!”</p><p>Elia felt his eyes getting wet, maybe it was too much even for him, or maybe he could have just stood in silence, but it wasn’t part of his temper “why are you doing that? Di you think I’m amused that you are yelling at me that way?”</p><p>”I don’t know who did that to you, but I hope I get my son back”</p><p>That was enough, “get my son back” echoed in his head and suddenly some tears came out his eyes, while his dad was looking at him, strictly. He always grew up like that, and he hoped to keep it a secret, but it became impossible, with his father’s frequent insults against the LGBT community.</p><p>”I think you should stay by your mother for a while” he said, giving him his back “tell her you are gay too, and see where are you going to stay in a month”</p><p>Elia made a few steps to reach the door, closing it behind him, sitting on the doorstep and sinking his face into his hands, it felt mixed with sadness and anger, but he still had nerves to keep himself calm, although he wanted to throw himself on the grass and scream at the top of his lungs.</p><p>That very same day he packet his things and caught the first bus to Trastevere, at his mother’s house, the one that rarely was part of his life.</p><p>”Elia” she whispered “I didn’t expect to see you here”</p><p>”Dad kicked me out”</p><p>She brought a hand to her mouth and invited Elia into the house, telling to unpack all his things into the bedroom he was used to sleep in once a month. Then he sat at the table with her, her hands on his “mind telling me what have you done?”</p><p>”Nothing?”</p><p>”Then why are you here?”</p><p>“I’m...” he stopped himself, not sure whether he should or not finish the sentence “gay. I’m gay mom”</p><p>His mother smiled “did he really kicked you out because of it?”</p><p>”Yes” he said, with a sad tone.</p><p>”He’s unbelievable. I’m happy about it, did you meet someone? Do you have a boyfriend?”</p><p>He thought about Filippo, but still, they were not together, they were just friends “no” he answered quickly “I hope that’s not a problem”</p><p>”Obviously it’s not, you can stay here whenever you want”</p><p>”Thank you” he smiled. He was ashamed by the fact of being kicked out of his own house, but he had to talk with someone, and that someone was Filippo.</p><p>Once he finished talking with his mother he went to the garden, sitting on the chair and making Filippo’s number.</p><p>”Hey Fil-“</p><p>”What the fuck do you all want from me today?”</p><p>”I’m Elia”</p><p>”I noticed” he replied bitterly “what do you want, I’m busy?”</p><p>”Nothing, goodbye” he said, hanging up the call, sinking his face into his hands for the second time in a few hours, time time letting himself go, letting all the sadness out.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. So Happy I Could Die</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <ul>
<li><strong>Be Your Best Friend, I’ll Love You Forever</strong></li>
</ul><p>
  <em>Sabato 16 Marzo</em>
</p><p>The following days Filippo couldn’t help but feeling like shit; kicked out of his own house by the only man that should give his love for granted, but deep down that wasn’t the truth. His dad had always been this way, always about his career, no time for change, no time for fun. So he grew alone, with his mother out of Italy with his sister, and his father too busy to be with him.</p><p>And maybe it was true that one love begins and one comes undone. Ha had no more a father... Oh, and Filippo... They stopped texting each other on the same day Elia moved, when he called and it seemed like the other boy didn’t want him anymore. He felt like in a gate, closed in his bedroom and thinking how fast the whole situation downgraded; one day he woke up and it all turned to dust.</p><p>He even stopped going to school and calling his friends to go out, or play FIFA together.</p><p>When he went to WhatsApp home he found five new chats.</p><p>Marti🦄 [8:30]: Elia is everything ok?</p><p>Giovy🍻 [12:43]: do you want to come over? Fifa and beer?</p><p>Eva Brighi [13:01]: haven’t seen you around lately. How are you?</p><p>Luchino🐗 [14:28]: you missed Chicco Rodi falling down the stairs lmao</p><p>Luchino🐗 [14:29]: by the way, why you haven’t come to school in two days?</p><p>R Peccio [16:32]: zi, how are u?</p><p>Still no new messages from Filippo, and that broke his heart even more. So he used him only for his body? Did he really care about him though? Maybe that was the answer. Even Peccio wrote him! His fucking pusher!</p><p>Elia did not feel like answering to them all, at least not for the moment, so he he decided to turn off his phone and maybe going out to take a breath of fresh air. But when he was about to go out the home screen, he received a call from Giovanni. He looked at the notification for a while, in doubt whether ignoring it or maybe finding a little comfort in his friend. Then he decided not to answer, he wanted some time alone (like if three days were not enough).</p><p>Then he heard someone ringing his doorbell, and knew exactly who it was. Not much right after he heard his sister “ELIA IT’S FOR YOU!”</p><p>”Giulia, don’t!” He yelled back, sinking his face into the pillow.</p><p>”For how much do you want to ignore us?” it was Gio. He somehow discovered that Elia wasn’t at his dad anymore and come on the other side of Rome “open the windows, it’s stuffy here” he said, busting the windows open, letting a little sunset air coming into the bedroom.</p><p>Eli rose his face from the pillow and looked at Giovanni “did you come alone?”</p><p>”No, Marti and Luchi are having a coffee with Giulia”</p><p>”Oh” he mouthed, hitting his head on the bed again.</p><p>”Why are you ignoring us?”</p><p>”I’m not ignoring you” he replied, breaking the eye contact.</p><p>Giovanni sighed and picked his phone, going to Elia’s chat “yesterday I said ‘hey’. No answers. Today, at almost 13 I asked you if you wanted to come over. No answers”</p><p>“I wanted to be alone. I didn’t want to avoid you”</p><p>”Why? If I may ask”</p><p>”Nothing in particular”</p><p>Gio sat on the bed, and Elia hoped with his soul he wouldn’t have searched for more information, with the typical Giovanni’s tone, which it was impossible to resist “Elia”, he muttered, patting the other boy’s back.</p><p>”Don’t do this to me” he whispered with a broken voice “Please Gio, go away”</p><p>”Elia, what’s wrong with you”</p><p>”Please Gio” he said once again, this time with tears into his eyes.</p><p>”If it was for something I did-“</p><p>Elia turned his gaze to Gio, with a mix of anger and sadness into his eyes “fuck Gio! It’s not always about you! You make it always about you! You even matched me with Silvia because you wanted Eva back!” Gio was stunned at his words, he had never seen Elia that angry before “why do you always have to do it about yourself? I will NEVER EVER get out with her, and you are forcing me to! I’m gay Gio! I’m fucking gay and I hate all of you!”</p><p>When he finished, Gio hugged Elia tightly, and while he was breaking down into his arms he saw that Luca and Martino were at the door, witnessing the scene, se he made a nod and they came in, sitting in the bed with them, while Elia was still crying and shouting into Gio’s neck, with his arma around him. Martino rubbed his back and Luca caressed his hair, and that made him feel a little bit better, getting off Gio and drying his face with his shirt.</p><p>“I’m sorry” he spelled slowly, still not able to look at them in the eyes.</p><p>”So that was it? You are gay and you didn’t want to tell us?” Martino asked “I mean, I’m gay, we all would have understood”</p><p>Elia shook his head “I told dad and now I don’t have a dad”</p><p>The boys didn’t know what to say, maybe Martino lived a similar situation with his father, but everything resolved quickly.</p><p>”I was ashamed to tell you I got kicked out of my own home, and I feel so bad for what I told you, Gio, I don’t hate you”</p><p>”I knew you didn’t mean that” he smiled, caressing Elia’s cheek “I don’t know what to say about Vittorio, Eli, but it’s not anything to be ashamed of. He should be the one anshamed”</p><p>”I’m sure he is, his son is a faggot”</p><p>”It doesn’t mean anything to us and to everyone. It’s 2019 and people don’t care about who you fuck” Martino said “they will always find a way to put you down, but don’t let them win. I felt like this when I fell in love with Nicco, but now I don’t care, I live my life”</p><p>Luca smiled “he’s right. You have us, we built a family together, we are your best friends and we will love you forever”</p><p>Elia broke out a smile and hugged Luchino, starting to cry again “I love you” he said “please don’t leave me”</p><p>“Why should we?” Gio asked. Although Elia wasn’t looking at him he could bet that Giovanni was on the verge of crying too “fucking idiot” he breathed, and then he was sure, even Gio was crying, joining the hug with Martino.</p><p>After a few minutes Elia decided to break the hug, rubbing his eyes. Then Martino spoke again “is there something, anything, you need to tell us”</p><p>Elia bit his lip and then said “Eva knows”</p><p>”What, Eva, MY Eva?” Giovanni asked, confused “Eva Brighi?”</p><p>”Yes”</p><p>”I’m sorry, how does she know?” Luca asked.</p><p>”There’s something you need to know, especially Marti”</p><p>”I’m all ears” the redhead replied, smiling.</p><p>”I have a... whatever... with Filippo”</p><p>”Wait. Filippo? Filippo Sava? The one with blond hair and a sassy tone?”</p><p>”Yes, that Filippo”</p><p>”Eleonora’s brother?” Luca wondered “is he gay?”</p><p>Martino let out a giggle “how are you the only one not knowing? How do you think I knew him?”</p><p>”I don’t know, why am I discovering everything right now?”</p><p>”Still I did not understand how Eva knows” the curly haired boy interrupted.</p><p>”On Wednesday Filippo left accidentally his phone turned on with our conversation on the table and Eva saw. The next day Eva came to me in the gym and told me that she knew and we were cute together”</p><p>Gio smiled, connecting the dots “that’s why you were talking”</p><p>”Yes”</p><p>”Thank God!” he exclaimed “I thought she wanted to make a move with you”</p><p>”What? No! I told her that I’m gay and she apologized for matching me with Silvia”</p><p>”So you don’t like pussy?” Luca asked.</p><p>”Not at all”</p><p>”So can I make a move with Silvi?”</p><p>”Yes” he smiled and Luca jumped on him in happiness “Thanks, zi!”</p><p>”Luca, I’m not breathing”</p><p>When Luca got off of him, Martino spoke again, this time he wanted to solve all his doubts “But... Why didn’t Filippo tell me anything?”</p><p>”Our was a secret whatever, we were intrigued, but now I guess he’s tired of it and tired of me”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>”When I called him, after everything that happened with dad, he was nervous and told me <em>what the fuck you want, I’m busy</em> and then didn’t write to me or called me since”</p><p>”That does sound so little Filippo”</p><p>”Well, we weren’t even in a relationship, so I guess he’s right”</p><p>”No, he’s not” Gio interrupted “pick the phone”</p><p>Elia obeyed and went to WhatsApp, noticing that EFFECTIVELY Filippo wrote him a text on Thursday, but he didn’t see that.</p><p>Fili🏳️🌈❤️ [20:26]: I’m sorry if I told you that ❤️</p><p>Fili🏳️🌈❤️ [20:27]: Ele yelled at me and I was nervous, forgive me ❤️</p><p>“I’m an idiot, fucking slap me in the face” he said, throwing his phone on the bed. The other boys read the last two texts and looked at Elia, displeased.</p><p>”Relax Eli” Gio said “now you take your phone, you call him and you tell him to come here”</p><p>”What if he doesn’t want to?”</p><p>”Do you want Filippo back?” Elia nodded “so take the phone and call me. Trust you live wizard”</p><p>Then Elia nodded again, taking his phone and going to the bathroom, to speak calmly.</p><p>”Gio, are you sure about what you are doing?”</p><p>“Not at all” Gio revealed smiling, but I think I have 5 minutes to arrange something.</p><p>”How do you-“</p><p>But Martino was abruptly interrupted “I got it!” He yelled “Luchi lend me your vespa for a minute, I will be back soon, I promise”</p><p>Luca, confused, nodded and tossed him the keys, and when he got out of the room, Elia got out the bathroom “what did he say?”</p><p>”He’s out with Ele, he will be here in an hour”</p><p>”Okay, I’m going out, I’ll be right back” </p><p>Then Elia returned in his room “do you know where is Gio going?”</p><p>They both shook their heads “Well, Fifa?”</p><hr/><ul>
<li><strong>Stars In Our Eyes, ‘Cause We’re Having A Good Time</strong></li>
</ul><p><br/>Gio called Martino, asking him to get Elia out of the house with te excuse of going buy pizzas, so he would have had time to develop his plan. Right after he called Elia’s sister, Giulia, who was about to go out with her boyfriend, and asked her to let him in. Once inside he went to Elia’s bedroom, opening the window that gave on the Tiber, getting out of his rucksack a bottle of wine and two glasses, then throwing rose petals on the bed.</p><p>In the end he lit up two candles, placing them on the bedside table, near the wine and the glasses. And then he look at ut one last time, taking a picture of his creation and sending it to Eva, writing “I made it for Eli and Fili”, and then se answered “😍 you’re the best 😍😍”</p><p>Giovanni looked at his phone one last time and then he heard the doorbell ring, so he rushed to the door and opened it, finding the guy with pink hair behind.</p><p>”Hey” Filippo greeted softly “is there Elia?”</p><p>Gio shook his head and then took Filippo’s hand, bringing him inside “he’s out but he will be right back in a moment”</p><p>Filippo nodded as they sat on the couch “do you know what’s wrong with him?”</p><p>”He will explain everything once he comes back, but I can tell you that he came out”</p><p>”So you know about...”</p><p>”Yes, he was scared to tell us, but he did... And, he didn’t notice you wrote him back on Thursday, so he was a little upset”</p><p>”But is he okay now?”</p><p>”Yes, I guess, Marti told me they were playing FIFA, so I guess everything is alright”</p><p>Filippo smiled at him “I thought he didn’t want to see me anymore”</p><p>”He thought the same. But, can I ask you something?”</p><p>”Absolutely”</p><p>”Do you love him?”</p><p>Filippo smiled again, he felt his body getting warmer and warmer at the word <em>love </em>“I do. I know we promised no feelings, but I can’t help. After I broke up I thought that it would be hard trust someone and build something together again, but I changed my mind. I love him, Giovanni, I actually do, and I won’t hide that in these days I broke out thinking that he didn’t want me anymore”</p><p>”Tell him, on the very today”</p><p>”Shat if he doesn’t feel the same”</p><p>”He does, I assure you. He talked to us only today, but I got how broke he felt as he thought he lost you too”</p><p>”What do you mean with <em>you too</em>?” But then the doorbell rang again, so Gio got up and opened the door, letting Elia and the boys in.</p><p>Elia stood in his place as he saw Filippo again. The other boy run to him, hugging him and kissing him in front of everyone “I missed you”</p><p>”I missed you too”</p><p>”Want to talk?” Filippo purposed and Elia nodded.</p><p>”Let’s eat before, okay? I’m hungry”</p><p>They sat on the sofa, and Giovanni got a a disk from his rucksack, putting it into the DVD player, playing Love, Simon.</p><p>”How do you have that movie?” Martino asked.</p><p>”Stole it from my sister’s collection”</p><p>They ate their pizza calmly and watched ten movies, Filippo had his arm around his lover for the whole time, sometime commenting Love, Simon with Luca, who didn’t understand the plot.</p><p>Once they finished the movie, Gio spoke “now we are going to play Fifa, Elia, why don’t you go talk with Filippo in your room?”</p><p>”Are you assuming homosexual can’t play football? Because mostly it’s true” he said with a sassy tone, making everyone laugh.</p><p>So Elia took Filippo’s hand, leading him to his room, remaining as surprised as he saw what Giovanni organized for them “I see you were making things big” Filippo commented “even wine?”</p><p>”I didn’t know anything, okay? I think this is Gio’s idea”</p><p>”Hey” he said, taking both his hands “I was joking, relax”</p><p>Elia took a deep breath and started <em>that</em> conversation “I’m sorry. I really am. Can you forgive me? It’s all my fault”</p><p>Filippo smiled and kissed him “it’s alright, Eli. But, what’s wrong”</p><p>Elia nodded and brought Filippo on the bed, hands stil together “I came out”</p><p>”Yes, Gio told me you came out to your friends”</p><p>”No, Filo, I came out to my father on Thursday”</p><p>”Oh God. Tell me everything”</p><p>”He kicked me out” he said, with a half smile “and now at my mom’s”</p><p>”I’m sorry, if I knew, I would never told you that”</p><p>”I tried to tell you”</p><p>”I’m sorry, that will never happen again, even if I’m pissed with the world” Filippo said, with a tear coming out his eye “you’re so special, you are my pride and my joy, and I swear to God that if anything will ever happen to you, I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself for not being careful enough”</p><p>”Filo, I..” Elia whispered “I love you”</p><p>Filippo grinned and brushed a tear from Elia’s cheek “I love you so much!” he exclaimed with their foreheads touching “I’m so glad that now it won’t be a secret for anyone”</p><p>Elia laid Filippo on the bed, washing him with his wet kisses, and making love to him all night long.</p><p>Once they woke up in the morning, Elia rolled onto Filippo’s side of the bed, trailing kisses from his chest to his jaw “good morning. Breakfast at the Baretto?”</p><p>”Sounds good” Filippo whispered with his husky voice, kissing his lover back “but, can we call the others too? We have an announcement to make, don’t we?”</p><p>”Yes, absolutely”</p><p>They got up the bed and went to the living room, where they found the other boys there, cleaning up the room “good morning, sun beams!” Gio shouted “enjoyed the surprise?”</p><p>Elia grinned and run to hug his friend, and then the other boys joined, then Marti said “come here Fili”</p><p>And after the group hug, they decided to go out for the day, spending the nicest day Elia had so far.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
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